The Bean of Queens

2006.Dec.18 Monday · 3 comments

in Books & Other Media

 When things strike me as funny
I can’t hide it inside
And squeak – as the squeakelers do
I’ve got to let go with a ho-ho-ho…
And a ha-ha-ha…too!”

– From “I Love to Laugh”, song in Mary Poppins

SoybeansBuenos Aires – I was looking for some information on the bean. I ended up on a bizarre, ultra-conservative website; the electronic equivalent of a supermarket checkout tabloid. And before you chastise me and tell me all about how factual and informative this site really is, I ask you to consider headlines like: “Mel Gibson has secret love child, DNA test sought”, “No Wise Men at all made it to Jesus’ manger”, “Twin teachers busted – lewd act with girl”, “Man told to wash, shave suddenly able to find job” (okay, that one might be true), and, of course, “Soy is making kids ‘gay'”…

This last one had me in stitches (site no longer exists, it was called World Net Daily). I realize that the site probably has a readership that numbers some untold dozens, and many of them actually believe this crap, and that’s actually sad, and disheartening, but I still had to laugh…

“There’s a slow poison out there that’s severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture.”

“Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products.”

The writer also links the eating of soy – tofu and soy milk in specific, but not soy sauce, tempeh, natto, or miso, which are “perfectly safe” because they’re fermented, thereby terminating the feminizing aspects of the bean – to the rise in obesity, leukemia, cardiac problems, the national infertility epidemic (do we have one?), and cancer.

This, of course, explains why all Asians are fat, childless drag queens suffering from terminal diseases…

[I just know someone’s going to quote me on that as if it was my opinion…]


{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

ksternberg December 18, 2006 at 09:46

Hey! What do you mean all Asians are fat? Pardon me, the alien ship is outside and they are calling me.

kaos.geo December 18, 2006 at 13:29

The Horror!!!
Anyway, anything leading to a “decrease in the size of the penis” should definitely be banned!
Down with the soybean!
Now excuse me while “Celestia” and I have a date in the fourth dimension, while we drink our soy lattes.

Congrats on the NYT review, Looks like you are going to have an interesting summer.


dan December 18, 2006 at 14:29

Oh, I forgot about that one – I wonder if the whole soy eating thing is behind “that” stereotype about Asian men… (apologies to Miss C over at La Otra Dimension for even bringing it up…)

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